I read an article yesterday written by a best selling author on the challenges of being a highly sensitive person (HSP). The author advised how to protect oneself when faced with ‘energy vampires’ and other overwhelming stimulus. The counsel was essentially to get at least 20 feet away from the person identified as a vampire as soon as possible and to not be concerned about anyone else’s feelings etc.
I guess that could work…
It struck me that this strategy is misguided in the long run. It seems a HSP could develop incredible skills of discernment regarding so called ‘energy vampires’ or they could simply project their own fears on innocent people and become highly judgemental. There must be other ways to live in a world that is admittedly, often unkind for those with highly attuned sensitivities.
Advancing our own mental, body and emotional intelligence can offer hope and more importantly, empowerment. Once an individual learns how, when, where and in what common situations their system is likely to become overwhelmed, a process of gathering tools to mitigate the overwhelm can begin. There are a number of tools that can help to avoid and soothe overwhelming encounters with others. It begins with awareness of ourselves. If a person knows that the beginning stages of overwhelm for them might be becoming tongue tied, or a spacey feeling or tingling in the body this indication can become a signal to engage tools that help to empower themselves. This might be better than running away and making the get thee behind me satan sign at the first sign of trouble.
How about clear and honest communication as a strategy? Something like, “I’m feeling uncomfortable right now and I am going to go.” Or asking questions is another excellent strategy when amongst those of questionable intent. “I’m not sure what you mean, can you clarify?” or “Thank you but no.” Clear boundaries are essential in this world. Expressing boundaries clearly and kindly is an art and one we could all benefit to practice.
Another part of the ‘energy vampire’ philosophy that concerns me is the fact that everyone struggles sometimes. Many people have empathy on paper for others who have mental health, mood, anxiety or emotional problems but on the ground and in real time are less compassionate. Human issues do not always present in pretty , cool or socially acceptable ways. What if the so called ‘vampire’ is in need? What if they lost a loved one recently, or had a terrible diagnosis or lost their job or home, or are justifiable in their sadness, anger, despair or maybe just feeling lonely? Blanket judgement of others because their ‘vibe’ is difficult is often cruel. People need compassion when wounded, not judgement and stigmatization. Another wonderful tool for increasing compassion and learning how to communicate compassionately and with clear boundaries is Non-Violent Communication. I will write about NVC next time. In the meantime you can find more information about this wonderful system that was created by the incomparable Marshal Rosenberg, here: https://www.nonviolentcommunication.com
That, apparently, is my first rant of 2021!
Happy New Year :-)