Just let it go…
This phrase is such a familiar refrain. It comes from people with a myriad of reasons behind it. Some of the reasons are loving and kind. They see that the issue a person is stuck on is causing pain and they want to help. They can see there are other ways to view a problem that the person who is stuck cannot yet see and, therefore, remains in pain. Sometimes those around us are just tired of the repetitive problems we talk about. Perhaps the advice giver has had a similar issue in their own life and letting go worked well for them.
Letting go implies freedom and choice. It is a decision to move away from stagnant and unmoving waters and into a period of movement. This sounds like a healthy choice. Movement, flow and growth are excellent strategies for living.
Sometimes though, it is difficult or impossible to “just let it go” and the phrase holds an exasperated tone of impatience. A “why can’t you just let this go?” attitude. Instead of facilitating processing of challenging life material, it seeks to quiet complaints and diminish what may be very important and deep for another person. What then is the answer?
It occurs to me that between being stuck and letting go there is a step or two. First, accepting that something significant did indeed happen and that whatever it is, is difficult. The second step is more of a journey. Processing can be a short or long process. It is an important process. Giving ourselves the time to look at our mental and emotional responses provides an opportunity to get to know ourselves better and understand the needs, values, hopes and expectations that underpin our exerience of life. The accompanying mental and emotional reactions we live with usually flow from whether or not are needs are met and our values are understood. Once we increase our awareness of our own patterns of responding, we can decide if they continue to serve us or not. This moves the individual into the realm of choice.
Journalling is one of the best ways to explore our thoughts and feelings. It allows us to explore our mental and emotional patterns in a way that allows processing, while remaining private. We don’t have to be rational in our journal. We can be honest without having to worry what anyone else would think of our thoughts. We can write about our experiences, how we felt about the experience, outcomes we would have preferred, our own pieces of contribution to the problem and how we would like to do things differently if given the chance.
Processing takes as long as it takes…